This week’s newsletter is a rush job, written on a Megabus back to the city from Philly. It’s not the fountain of creativity I’d like, but it’ll do. Plus, writing this late on a Sunday night is a sign I de-prioritized it for other, more important things, like a great trip to visit a friend. So I can’t complain.
Coming out of the holiday weekend last Tuesday, I was in a weird mental place. Career anxieties crept up where they hadn’t been in years. I had trouble sleeping. My thoughts were a toxic mess. It reminded me of the famous exchange in Breakfast at Tiffany’s:
Paul Varjak: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?
Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you’re getting fat and maybe it’s been raining too long, you’re just sad that’s all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you’re afraid and you don’t know what you’re afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?
Paul Varjak: Sure.
Holly Golightly: Well, when I get it the only thing that does any good is to jump in a cab and go to Tiffany’s. Calms me down right away.
From experience, I knew the mood would be short-lived. But the knowledge that it will pass doesn’t provide much calm in the moment; it doesn’t break the negative thought loops. So I went into my toolbox and started trying everything that works for me, just like Holly’s trip to Tiffany’s. I made a new thankfulness list. I journaled. I reached out to people who needed company. I went for a long run. I even tried meditating. And somewhere along the way, at least one of those balms parted the clouds.
I am extremely fortunate to have relatively minor and infrequent episodes like this. And I’m no expert when it comes to managing them when they do occur. But one way I have grown over the years is in simply acknowledging, to myself and others, what’s happening. “I am feeling awful right now.” It certainly doesn’t feel good to say that to someone, but it’s far, far better than keeping it bottled up. At least when it’s out in the open it’s clear why I’m unpleasant. Otherwise I just seem like an a**hole.
Which is all to say that talking about what goes on inside our heads is a good thing. It alleviates some of the pressure that inevitably builds up, no mater who you are, as a result of whatever’s going on in your life, big or small. I wish there were more avenues for these conversations to come up organically, but I’ve seen progress in my own circles in recent years and am optimistic for where things are headed.
Also – look at this absolutely gorgeous cheesesteak from Ishkabibble’s in Philly:
– Emmett
Recent Posts:
Training Update, June 4th – Soccer, training setback and Lucifer.
What I’m Reading:
Kevin Durant and (Possibly) the Greatest Basketball Team of All Time – Sam Anderson, NYT
“The Nets’ Big 3 are almost comically different, physically and spiritually and stylistically. It’s like the opening screen of a video game in which you have to choose your character, each of whom comes with a different set of pros and cons.”
If You’re Trapped Under a Pile of “Should” and Tired of Feeling Unhappy – Jill Anderson
“I was buried under a pile of shoulds for the first thirty-two years of my life. Some of those shoulds were put on me by the adults in my life, some were heaped on because I am a middle child, but most were self-imposed thanks to cultural and peer influence.”
What I’m Listening To:
4 Chord Song – Axis of Awesome (Youtube)