Words and Empathy

“Don’t be that person. Recognize that the words you use matter. If a doctor walked up to a patient with a tumor and called it a bruise, wouldn’t that drastically change the patient’s treatment and likelihood of survival? Similarly, you must understand the weight of your words when diagnosing the racism in our nation. Ask yourself “What’s the history behind this phrase? Why do different words have different impact depending on the race of the person saying them? How might this word minimize or invalidate another’s experience?

That excerpt is from Tell Me Who You Are: Sharing Our Stories of Race, Culture, & Identity, by Winona Guo and Priya Vulchi. I included it here because it really puts me on the defensive. “People are so sensitive.” Well, like I said last week: What are people saying about this that I am not hearing? Maybe being put on the defensive is a good sign that what I am feeling is not certainty, or righteousness, but shame and embarrassment.

Here is an example from the book: The word Eskimo is considered offensive to many native people. It means “raw-meat eater,” and was a derogatory term used by Russians to describe Siberian natives. I looked it up to confirm. Not only that, but I also found out that Inuit is not a tribe name, like I’d assumed, but a word that means “people.” I’ve been hearing, reading and speaking those words with no idea what they meant since childhood.

To me that says so much about the “political correctness” debate. One, powerful side (me) wants to continue using words for their convenience. The other wants people in power (me) to rethink those words because they are hurtful. It’s not about snowflakes and trigger-warnings, it’s about empathy. Here’s one more example from a Detroit man’s interview in the book, about his city’s recently coined slogan:

People here always say, “Comeback City” this and “Comeback City” that. It just feels like a punch in the gut, because it’s code for gentrification. I was kicked out of my home. They upped the rent ridiculously on my family, like four times the original rent, and I was homeless for a little bit. It’s clear that all the Black people are getting kicked out, and all the White millennials are moving in. The city’s getting safer, yes, but at what cost?

The NY Times captured many of the ways that industries have been reshaped since George Floyd’s murder, and again I was on the defensive. “This could turn into a witch hunt.” I don’t know exactly how I feel – I don’t know that it’s possible to feel the same way about thousands of different nuanced stories and examples. But the rush to defensiveness is what interests me. Immediately seeking out an explanation – “this person’s words must have been taken out of context” – interests me. Those are hardwired responses to feeling threatened.

Anyway, if anyone is looking for a book to read – read Tell Me Who You Are. It was sold as (paraphrasing) “required reading for all students,” but I think it should be required reading for everybody.

My Dad and I are in Upstate New York this coming week, as an early 60th birthday celebration, and I’m hoping some good writing material will come from the trip. I’m no E.B. White, but I can’t help thinking I could write my own Once More to the Lake. More to come on that. I am very excited for the biking/canoeing/fishing/grilling/running that is in store.

If you are feeling ambitious after all of this, read my new posts this week: Part 2 of Blood Magic, a sad homage to my long-gone beard and a mid-year reflection on my writing.

As always, I’m curious to hear what you think about 1) what I write, 2) the newsletter or 3) anything going on these days. Some texts have been trickling in here or there but I know there are more opinions out there! Email me at [email protected].

– Emmett

Recent Posts:

Blood Magic Part 2: Evil Strikes – I learn the truth about my family

My Beard Is Gone – And nobody cares

June Writing Check-In – 85,000 words published on the blog!

What I’m Reading:

If You Want Hertz, Have Some Hertz – Matt Levine, Money Stuff

What I’m Listening To:

Ramit Sethi: I Will Teach You To Be Rich! – Bigger Pockets Money Podcast (How many times can I recommend this guy?!)

Coach George Raveling on This Unique Moment – The Tim Ferriss Show

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Semi-regular thoughts on the good life and personal growth.