I admit it: I thought that Dale Carnegie was somehow related to Andrew Carnegie, the famous industrialist. Turns out he wasn’t, but he was smart enough to change the spelling of his name from Carnagey to Carnegie for exactly that reason. So that’s the first thing I learned from reading one of his books.
How To Stop Worrying and Start Living was written in 1948, so I wasn’t sure how easy of a read it would be, but it turns out that Carnegie’s writing style is very similar to a lot of the popular non-fiction books of today (I’m sure he somewhat defined the industry). I would highly recommend this to anybody looking for easy and effective ways of addressing the worry in their lives.
Below are 10 takeaways I had from the book:
- Focus on the present
Carnegie beautifully describes this as “living in day-tight compartments.” In other words, there is no value in worrying about the past or future, only the present. Too often we obsess over conversations that went poorly, or bad decisions we’ve made, and how those will impact our future. The most relevant for me (and my peer group) is anxiety about our careers. We would be wise to focus on each day as it comes. - No amount of success is worth putting your health at risk
I know this, but it’s helpful to see that Carnegie was writing about it seventy years ago, and it doesn’t hurt to remind myself every once in a while: your health is the true cost of a job that causes you anxiety and stress. Work to live, not live to work. - Do not worry about decisions until you have acquired the information necessary to make the decision
I sometimes jump straight to the decision-making process without actually having the facts. To bring this back to careers, it means worrying about my next job without actually knowing anything about the roles I’m “choosing” between. Simply by discovering what each job entails, I can discover what is a better fit and the daunting decision becomes an easy one. Then – and this is key – once I’ve made the decision, I need to stick to it. Worrying over an already-chosen path is a waste of energy. - It is hard to worry when you are busy
This has always been true for me: the busier I am, the happier I am. Regardless of what it is – making dinner, running, teaching, working, writing, doing dishes – it is hard to be worried when my mind is on the task at hand. Anxiety has always hit me hardest at two distinct times: in the morning, lying in bed, and on the couch while I’m watching TV. My solution? Replace those hours with something more productive.
“Just when we’re free to enjoy our own leisure, and ought to be happiest, that’s when the blue devils of worry attack us.” – Dale Carnegie - Think rationally about a worrisome event’s likelihood of happening
Carnegie calls this the “law of averages,” and of everything in the book it’s the thing I practice most frequently. Whenever I am worried about something, I think about the likelihood of it happening. Last week, running in the woods, I started to panic thinking about a tree falling on me, but once I thought through exactly how unlucky I would have to be for that to happen, I quickly calmed down. I always like to compare what I’m worried about to driving: If I’m worried about my airplane during landing, then I clearly don’t understand risk, because getting in a car is far more deadly and I’m not worried about that at all. - Do not try to control the things you cannot control
This is my favorite piece of wisdom from the book because there are so many times, every single day, when I have to remind myself to stop worrying about something I can’t control. The weather when I run; a rude email from a coworker; a freak accident. I think that the Serenity Prayer says it best:
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; The courage to change the things I can; And the wisdom to know the difference.” - Nothing is bad until you make it so
I think I’m paraphrasing Shakespeare here, but our minds interpret everything we experience, for better or for worse. One person is miserable on a rice and bean diet while another is the happiest person alive. It all depends on how they interpret their own circumstances. I wish someone would have told me this at a younger age, because I would have avoided so many unnecessarily anxious days.
“Our life is what our thoughts make it.” – Marcus Aurelius - Do not expect gratitude in exchange for good deeds
I have definitely been guilty of feeling angry or hurt when I do something thoughtful for someone and they don’t acknowledge the gesture. But I’ve never asked myself why. Every single time (truthfully) that I help someone else, I feel good. That should be reward enough.
“The only way in this world that they can ever hope to be loved is to stop asking for it and to start pouring out love without hope of return.” – Dale Carnegie - Focus on the good things
Another nugget I wish someone had drilled into my head at a younger age. So much of our lives that we take for granted would be priceless to someone less fortunate: jobs, families, functioning bodies. Similar to number seven, we choose what to spend time thinking about, and so we can choose to reflect on all that is good or dwell on all that is bad. Only one of those choices benefits us in any way. - Helping others is the quickest way to help yourself
A few times I’ve had friends tell me that they need a hobby, or something to keep themselves busy, only to laugh when I suggest that they volunteer with some charity. I will be the first person to say that when I volunteer, the motivation is at least fifty percent selfish: I feel better when I am helping other people and staying busy at the same time.
“You can be cured… if you follow this prescription. Try to think every day how you can please someone.” – Alfred Adler
Honorable Mention:
“Two men looked out from prison bars. One saw the mud, the other saw stars.”
“When you are kicked and criticised, remember that it is often done because it gives the kicker a feeling of importance.”
“Yes, go to bat with yourself every morning. We talk a lot about the importance of physical exercise to wake us up out of the half-sleep in which so many of us walk around. But we need, even more, some spiritual and mental exercises every morning to stir us into action. Give yourself a pep talk every day.”
“By thinking the right thoughts, you can make any job less distasteful. Your boss wants you to be interested in your job so that he will make more money. But let’s forget about what the boss wants. Think only of what getting interested in your job will do for you. Remind yourself that it may double the amount of happiness you get out of life, for you spend about one half of your waking hours at your work, and if you don’t find happiness in your work, you may never find it anywhere. Keep reminding yourself that getting interested in your job will take your mind off your worries, and, in the long run, will probably bring promotion and increased pay. Even if it doesn’t do that, it will reduce fatigue to a minimum and help you enjoy your hours of leisure.”
“There is a Scandinavian saying which some of us might well take as a rallying cry for our lives: ‘The north wind made the Vikings.’ Wherever did we get the idea that secure and pleasant living, the absence of difficulty, and the comfort of ease, ever of themselves made people either good or happy? Upon the contrary, people who pity themselves go on pitying themselves even when they are laid softly on a cushion, but always in history character and happiness have come to people in all sorts of circumstances, good, bad, and indifferent, when they shouldered their personal responsibility. So, repeatedly the north wind has made the Vikings.”