A blogger I follow, Fritz from The Retirement Manifesto, published a list of 20 Ways To Be Happier In Life on Wednesday. Here it is:
- Maintain a positive attitude
- Focus on what you can control
- Hike your own hike
- Be curious
- Create balance
- Be generous
- Get out of your rut
- Get outside
- Exercise
- Get a dog
- Create something
- Slow down
- Smile and laugh more often
- Build meaningful relationships
- Focus on love, not hate
- Enjoy the present
- Remember the only constant is change
- Believe the best is yet to come
- Challenge yourself
- Develop your spirituality
It’s a hell of a list. Since I saw it, I’ve shared it with at least a dozen people, so hopefully Fritz won’t care that I’ve referenced it here. In fact, if you opt to read his post instead of finishing this newsletter, I’ll feel pretty good. All I’ve teased are the headlines, and the rest is even better.
I’ve always found that lists are powerful. When I put something on a to-do list I feel more in control. When I add a run to my tracker I feel accomplished. And when I read a list like Fritz’s I feel relieved. This is all it takes, I think, which isn’t to say that any of it’s easy. As one person I shared the post with put it: “Easy to say, harder to do.” And she’s right. If you’re a workaholic, reading a blurb on balance probably won’t be enough to move the needle.
But what the list will do is serve as a north star. Fritz is a smart guy, but it’s not like he invented any of this stuff – we all know of times when we found ourselves unhappy because one or more of those items were out of wack. In my case, during COVID, how much attention I’ve paid to the first nine has been the deciding factor towards my mental wellbeing. And a dog certainly wouldn’t have hurt.
On the flip side, my worst moments have been when I swapped the items on that list for frauds like these:
- Make daily progress towards goals
- Keep everyone in my life happy
- Maintain high energy at all times
- Always eat healthy
- Exercise regardless of weather
You get the point. That I often believe those things is inevitable. I’d imagine everyone is hard on themselves, and it’s not like any of the above are bad ideas in moderation. But with Fritz’s list in mind, I’m reminded how futile they can be as north stars. With those five as my guide, I’m not balanced, and I’m not enjoying things.
I’m writing this because February has been hard. Based on the responses of those who I shared the post with, it seems like others feel similarly. It’s the eleventh monotonous month of the pandemic and a month already considered by many to be the worst of the year. It’s harder to get out of bed, harder to go for a run and even harder to focus reading. My writing has been a mess and the term Groundhog’s Day has come up often in conversations at work. One friend’s motto for the month is “hold the line and embrace the suck.” It’s running motivation, but it works for much more.
And it’s these months in particular where it pays to take stock. To look at a list like Fritz’s and ask: What are some quick wins here? How can I work more outdoor time into my daily schedule? What are things I’m worried about that I can’t control? What one small act of generosity is right there at my fingertips?
Sometimes it’s that simple. A few months back I asked myself that last question – how can I be generous? – because I needed more #6 in my life. The shelter where I volunteered had been closed since March and I missed the warm feeling that going there produced. So I started working with a mutual aid group in Brooklyn, and have been delivering groceries to an elderly woman in the neighborhood ever since. Last week I brought her to get her first shot of the vaccine.
And you know what? That one decision to look into mutual aid has paid dividends during this gloomy month. It has guaranteed me at least one day per week where I feel critically important to someone else’s wellbeing. And the result of that is a shot of happiness that nothing – not the cold, not the snow, not the quarantine or my stupid, snot-filled mask – can take away.
So take a look through the list and find places where little choices can go a long way. Happiness can be transactional. People aren’t just born positive, or born to exercise. If you know there’s something that makes your day brighter, be intentional about adding more of it into the schedule. I’ve long felt that any time I volunteer it is a selfish decision – I know exactly what I’m getting out of it, and it’s as much, if not more, than what I’m putting in.
I’ll end this week’s newsletter with one more list. An exercise in thankfulness that has been the fastest-acting balm for a bad mood that I’ve found. Here’s how it works:
- Find a piece of paper (or the Notes app on your phone)
- Put the word “thankfulness” in the title
- Write 5-10 things in your life you are thankful for. Dig deep and be honest. Remember the quote: “Two men looked out from prison bars, one saw mud, the other saw stars”
- Fold the list and put it in your wallet (or take a screenshot and store in your phone)
- Consult the list whenever you are feeling unhappy
I did this exercise for the first time in 2016, and have replaced my sheet of paper only once since then. This current version has been with me for two or three years:
It just works, plain and simple. Sometimes the tiniest things can be the most powerful.
– Emmett
Recent Posts:
Half-Finished Projects and Writing Objectives – In an absolute February lull (Blog, 4 min)
Lost Work and Useless Frustration – Ugh. Just deleted work. (Blog, 2 min)
What I’m Reading: Just the super-creative piece below, which I would highly recommend
Thanks for 10 Years – Brendan Leonard, Semi-Rad
“Every week for me just feels like another blindfolded swing at a piñata. And the only real ‘plan’ I have is to keep swinging. I guess if I had some sort of career strategy, it would be: try to make a small thing.”