One of the great things about Brooklyn Heights is that people leave boxes of lightly-used books on the steps of their brownstones for anyone to take.
Here’s my latest haul:
- Artemis, Andy Weir (author of The Martian)
- The Broom of the System, David Foster Wallace
I left the books untouched for a few weeks before I got around to cracking them open, and found this, written on hotel stationary, in The Broom of the System:
“After two fantastic weeks, it pains me to say this, but – you should not have brought me. This is the sort of event where you want to catch up with old friends, not introduce me to them. You can’t manage the burden of an external element such as myself. I feel like I’m cramping your lifestyle.
It’s unfortunate that this is how we will end our vacation. But I don’t think you’re ready to take a date to a wedding.
In the meantime, think about how you can reconcile me with other parts of your life. Integration takes work… and as much as I love you, I don’t think you’re in a place to make that kind of effort. I know you’re trying, but being not-single at a wedding requires a mindset that I don’t think you want to embrace. Aside from Marisol, I was the only “couple” who was ignored while you were running around drunkenly with your friends. To have Ramses check in on me was mortifying. That should be your job, if anyone’s.
To reiterate, you shouldn’t have brought me. And you should think about what it means to have a full time girlfriend, even when she’s not conducive to your informal reunions.”
– Anonymous, Playa del Carmen, Mexico
Wow. That is one rational, articulate Plus One. If I’d been tossed aside like Marisol and had that creep Ramses “checking in on me,” I’d have taken the first red-eye back on Saturday night.
I have four hypotheses as to what happened:
- Girlfriend writes passioned note on Sunday morning while Boyfriend is in the shower, thinks better of it, and stashes note in her copy of DFW’s first novel. She spends the rest of her life wondering whether there’s something better out there.
- Girlfriend writes note, slips it into Boyfriend’s novel, and waits for some grand gesture of apology. Boyfriend loses interest in the book, never finds note, and puts the book out on his stoop for a new owner. Relationship implodes back in Brooklyn.
- Girlfriend writes note, gives it to Boyfriend. After a long, overdue conversation, differences are reconciled and the couple emerges stronger than ever. Boyfriend puts note in a copy of his favorite novel, The Broom of the System,as a reminder of how precious relationships are. Girlfriend unwittingly gives the book away to me.
- An aspiring writer, wanting to immerse herself in the life of a new character, writes a letter to a phony boyfriend. Then, feeling mischievous, she sets it out into the world, hoping a sucker like me will come along and read far too much into it.
That’s what I came up with off the top of my head, but there’s countless other explanations. Maybe Boyfriend was sleeping with Marisol, or even Ramses. What type of wedding was this anyway? Who actually knows somebody named Ramses?
From now on, I am going to take every single free book I come across, in the hope that I discover more nuggets like this one. It’s a useful reminder that everybody else in the world, not just me and my immediate bubble, are dealing with sh*t and working through it.
Other than that bit of excitement, I published a new short story on my website (linked below) and am in the Outer Banks with family for the week.
– Emmett
Recent Posts:
Eternally Happy – Joe had everything he could ever dream of in Heaven… and still he wasn’t happy
What I’m Reading:
How to Have the Best Week Ever – Ryan Holiday