Before getting started, I want to plug a great interview I re-listened to this morning: Ryan Holiday on the Peter Atia podcast. It well worth the two hour runtime. Check it out for Ryan’s thoughts on the downfall of ego, having enough, disconnecting from technology and more.
Also – Happy Mother’s Day!
Morning Coffee
Back in March, Brad Feld, a blogger and investor I follow, wrote this about a pandemic ritual he shares with his wife:
“Morning coffee lasts about 30 minutes. We each make a cup of coffee in our magical Nespresso machine… We then sit together in the living room and talk about how we slept, our Whoop recovery scores, and what is to come for the day ahead. That’s the four-minute part. We then let the conversation take us wherever it goes.”
I related to that because I’ve developed similar rituals over the past year: making a big salad for lunch every day, my nighttime walks with Anne. I’m sure you all can think of something similar. A practice you developed as a result of our new way of living.
As for mornings, my routine has shifted with each passing month. I started out writing for 90 minutes then walking in the park before work. Then I went back to morning running and swapped out the walks. I’ve journaled immediately after waking up and right before I log on for the day. My coffee has been before I run, after I run, or both (and neither). No consistency.
But I was jealous of Brad’s ritual. Even during a pandemic that shook loose some free time, a 30 minute coffee break to start the day felt gluttonous. Something the Italians do before getting to the office at 10am. This past year, my free time each morning never actually felt free. I had to be doing things! Running, or writing, or reading. Squeezing coffee and breakfast into the margins.
Well this week, while home in Baltimore, I finally got to try it out. My parents were moving houses, so I decided to work from my grandfather’s apartment. He lives in a corner unit, and his kitchen gets plenty of sunshine and has a small round table that’s perfect for conversation. He has instant coffee, which most people seem to hate but I love. So each morning we drank our instant coffees together from 8am-9am, talking about all sorts of things. I really enjoyed it.
There’s this story that I heard for the first time last week. Maybe you’re familiar with it. A classroom is told to fill a mason jar with a bag of sand, a pile of pebbles and a couple of big rocks. One group pours in the sand, then dumps in the pebbles, and has no room left over for the big rocks. The second group puts the big rocks in first, lets the pebbles fall in between the rocks, and then pours the sand into the nooks and crannies. Everything fits perfectly.
The teacher says to the students: “See? To fit everything, you need to start with the big, important things first. If you start with the sand, you’ll have no room for what matters.”
It’s a popular time-management parable, but it feels particularly relevant after this week with my grandfather. Because that “gluttonous” hour each morning was the best way I could be spending my time. It was a very big rock. The type of thing I’ll remember for the rest of my life. And the things it was getting in the way of – logging onto my computer, checking email, reading articles – were all just sand. Of zero importance in the long run. People say you won’t be thinking about your career on your deathbed. Well if that’s true, then where does email fit into that hierarchy? Or mindlessly scrolling headlines you’ll forget that afternoon?
This isn’t the first time I’ve felt this way. After a family vacation to the Outer Banks last summer I wrote that “I find it hard at times to remind myself that vacations are good.” A similar thing happened during a trip upstate with my Dad – my journal entries from the week are peppered with references to feeling uneasy. Jittery. Both trips were opportunities to spend more uninterrupted time with family than I had since high school. Why couldn’t I see how important that was?
I don’t really have an answer. Part of me wants to blame the range of technological stimuli that have somewhat tricked us into thinking they’re important. Another part wants to blame work – not my job in particular, but the concept. At a fundamental level it’s necessary to survive. It can also be a source of fulfillment and, in some rare cases, an opportunity to effect positive change for others. But maybe, just like email and text messages and the latest headlines, work also tricks us into thinking it’s more important that it is. Prime example: I log on an hour early, to make sure I’m on top of things once the day starts. Valuable use of my time, sure. But what if I spent that hour with Anne, instead? What would I look back on more fondly?
Ryan Holiday touched on something similar, in the interview I linked to up above. Asked about being away from his family during a book tour, he said:
“You tell yourself that it will go back to normal after a certain point, but it doesn’t just go back to normal. You have to put it back to normal, you have to draw a line.”
I think that’s the point I’ve been missing. I’ve assumed that whatever I chose to do in the moment must be the most important thing. But it’s not. There are all sorts of pressures that keep us from focusing on what really matters, and unless we’re deliberate there’s no hope of resisting them. I keep harking back to it, but think about how many times you check your phone during a conversation with someone you don’t see very often. Or how often you’re on your phone while driving with a parent. If you’re like me, the answer is a lot. And we both know which use of time we’ll regret at the end of it all.
One More Redesign
I have changed up the look of my website one more time. I am using a new WordPress theme – Thesis – which I picked for two main reasons: 1) its developer seems awesome and dedicated to better website design and 2) it’s a good platform for me to make the leap from beginner to intermediate when it comes to HTML and designing my own site. You won’t notice too many changes right now, other than the color scheme and font, but the plan is to gradually customize it to my liking as I learn the basics of HTML and CSS.
I also finally bought a proper email address for the website, which should solve some spam issues a few of you may be having.
Otherwise, we’re speeding into summer and I’m still finding awesome new graffiti. Enjoy the week!
– Emmett
Recent Posts:
Training Update, May 7th – (Blog, 5 min) McDonald’s! And running in Baltimore again
What I’m Reading/Listening To: Nothing this week, give someone you haven’t talked to in a while a call!